Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
