Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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