We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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