I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
