ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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