not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
