Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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