i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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