Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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