I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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