dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
