he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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