his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
