what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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