OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
