im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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