We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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