Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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