while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
