Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
