I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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