i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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