I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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