Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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