I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
