You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
