yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
