every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
