I got chris browned last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
