when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
