2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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