I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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