So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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