Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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