P.S. I can't hear my feet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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