the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
