So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
