We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
