Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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