Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
