You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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