Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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