I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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