I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
