ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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