Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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