Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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