i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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