hotel room ftw
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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