I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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