TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
