So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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