drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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