i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We got so high we made milksteak
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize