She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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