How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
