Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
