I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
