Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
