we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
