The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
