I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
