I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
