You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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