And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
