i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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