Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
