...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
