Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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