This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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