The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
