fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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