She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
