Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
